big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
