i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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