just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
