You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
