i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
