I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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