The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
