Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
