OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
