apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
