I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
