My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
