If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
