I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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