guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
