no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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