the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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