I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
