Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
