clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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