it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
