i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
