he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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