you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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