Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize