i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Panties = found
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
