hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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