I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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