I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't think brook has ever known best
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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