I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
