Can i not drive my cunt home
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
