I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
