Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
