please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
