Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
