Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
