his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize