I want to have your abortion
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
