why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I want a musical about memes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
