She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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