so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize
