i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Welp...herpes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
