I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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