Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize