Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
