i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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