My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
