God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
