if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
