I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
