My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
