You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
