google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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