so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
