4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
