He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
