so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
