my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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