I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
