He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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