I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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