Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
