we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
