I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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