she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize