Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
